Your words.

When it became “real” that I was going to actually get the Lapband, I decided to keep this blog. I wanted a record of what I was going through in the event that someone accused me of going about weight loss the wrong way. I have since learned that there is no “wrong way” to lose weight, there is just the right way for YOU. And the blog has become more of a log; it has become the play that I visit for a reminder of how far I have come.


The strangest part of this blog has been the following I seemed to have accumulated. My list of “Readers” only says fourteen (who’s counting?), but the support I’ve received has been overwhelming. So overwhelming that I don’t have a clue what to do with.

Each time I get a comment, message or a kind word—I kind of freeze. I’m used to being in the spotlight for school stuff, but nothing as personal as this. I don’t mind sharing my heart or emotions, but the whole thing is slightly foreign.

Even more foreign when people seem to admire me for what I am doing. I don’t feel as if I am any different than anyone. We all have things in our lives that we fight and we overcome—I am no different. The only difference is that I seemed to have put myself in the spotlight. I did not expect to actually be in this spotlight, I just expected for my words to reach those who needed it.

Even though this whole thing has greatly shocked me, I have been blessed. It may boggle my mind that each of you has taken the time to share your kind words, but it also serves as an immense blessing. I have been bad in replying because it has taken me a long time to see myself worthy of your words. As I continue on this journey, I lean on your encouragement more.

Each word you have shared with me has given me extra fuel to succeed. Thank you for your continued support; you have all been a blessing to me.

God bless you all.

Why?

So, today I spoke with my telephone coach. I have been blessed to become a part of a service called “Healthy Roads” and every two weeks I talk to my coach. We set goals and talk about what I am doing right and wrong.

Today our conversation led to “Why do I want to be healthy?"

My first thought was not to avoid illness. It was not to be skinny. It was not to live longer. It was nothing along those lines, but something deeper.

I want to be healthy so I can be a mom. I’m not saying that I want to have a kid today, or tomorrow, not even in the foreseeable future. But I want to be healthy enough that when the time comes, I can be a mom. I want to be able to go through things normally and to be at peace with my body.

With that you can say that once I am a mom I want to be able to run around with my kids and place hide and seek… All those little things that healthy people do better.


So there you have it… My why, which is sometimes more important than the how.

This is my mom and I! No, I'm not this tall! Just standing on a step higher than her :)

Still alive.

I've been a terrible blogger lately, but here's a picture to prove I'm still alive!




I shall post a real entry soon!

• This entry was blogged without border's from my iPhone!

Flying high.

I despise airplane rides. I hate packing things into one (or two) fifty pound bags and having to think about what I’m actually going to wear for the next four or ten days. Too much thought and I can’t predict the weather, my mood or random circumstances that arise. I don’t like sitting next to strangers or that my ears hurt with all that altitude. I really don’t like not being able to listen to music during take-off and landing. I also hate when I start a deep text conversation and then have to shut off my phone. I really don’t like running from one terminal to another or the fear that something will be stolen from my bag during flight.


As legitimate as all these reasons are for dislike flying… they are all just a cover. Up to now I’ve hated being the fat girl on the plane. I hated the difficulties with getting my dang seatbelt on and the discomfort that I feel like I place on those around me.

I flew this past week. Six takeoffs, six landings, and four seatbelts… but it was okay. MY SEATBLET FIT. It didn’t just fit, but I could tighten it. Let me tell you something… I haven’t had to tighten a seatbelt in years, literally. But I did… each time. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted—literally.

I feel accomplished. Will blog more later!

Deserving.

So, if you’ve been keeping track of my subtle (okay, not quite subtle) drama, you know that I hit a good point within my relationship arena awhile back. I was finally okay with the whole “being single” part of my life. I am still okay with the whole debacle, but I guess im ready for something more. Actually, I don’t guess. I know I am. I am getting to the point where I am happy with myself and I'm ready to share the quirkiness that is me with someone else.


After talking A LONG time with a close friend, a few things dawned on me. First off, most guys I’m attracted to don’t fit into my mold. This isn’t really a surprise, but liking a guy who is sixteen types of different from me is a little bit strange—and scary as all get out. Secondly, I am way too much of a planner. This isn’t a new revelation, but thought I would reiterate that. And thirdly, I deserve everything that I want.

This is the bulk of what’s been on my mind today… what exactly do I want? I deserve everything my little heart desires (within reason), but WHAT IS THAT?

So, I guess I will list the various thoughts that have floated in and out of my cerebral matter today…

Things Ashley Wants & Deserves:

- A man who wants me for me (number one, this is non-negotiable)
- A man who believes in God. Faith can be strengthened, but a faithless man is not someone I need to be with at this point in my life

- A man who is easy to smile, especially when I am goofy… which is often
- A man who is productive (I run at the speed of light, he needs to be able to keep up)

- Ambition… Can you imagine me with a man with no ambition? Hahahaha… no really—can you?

- This is really shallow… but any man who is willing to buy me James Avery ranks fairly high on the list (this is more common than you’d expect… James Avery is evidently the key to a lot of girls’ hearts)

- I really, really want a guy who can dance. This would actually make the guy’s life easier because I can hardly be in a bad mood after I’ve been dancing. Talk about easy to please…

In all honesty, besides the top three, all these are flexible. I know this guy is out there, and I know without a doubt that I deserve him. I just need to figure out who he is. I don’t want to seek him out; I just want to recognize him when I see him.

Exercise paradigm.

There has been a deep and profound shift in me. I’ve alluded to this change, but I’d like to explain it a little bit more.


In the past I have never wanted to exercise. I would exercise, but the desire to do so just wasn’t there. There were phases of random exuberance for running and swimming, but nothing that truly made me connect to the act of working out.

I cannot explain what has happened, but I have changed. The “hot word” on my campus these days is paradigm. This word is defined as a pattern in its simplest terms, so I guess you can say I have a new exercise paradigm. The phrase that keeps floating around my head is that, “there has been a shift in my exercise paradigm.”

Let me illustrate what has changed and what’s new in Ashley’s Exercise Paradigm. First off, when I was signing up for classes for this semester I needed a one hour course. On a whim I decided to sign up for a swimming class, but when looking at the various courses; I took a chance. I bypassed the basic swim class, the swim conditioning class and lifeguard training class. I signed up for ADVANCED swimming. Ridiculous? Probably. Good idea? Hopefully!

I decided to challenge myself with a more difficult class because I know all the swim strokes and I did not want an excuse to slack off. So, here I am—in an advanced swim class surrounded by hardcore swimmers. But I’m excited nonetheless. My first class could have been described as a disaster… by anyone else. I was by far the slowest swimmer there, but you know what? Every time I had my head out of the water I was smiling. I felt blessed to be there and I was ready for the challenge. I know I might hate myself some days for the pain this class will cause, but I will kick some butt. I will get faster and I will hold my own. It’s not about winning or being the fastest, it’s about getting healthy and doing things that I used to not believe were possible.

It would be silly for me to say there has been this huge change if I was only exercising twice a week in class; so I took advantage of my newfound desire to work out and set off to do some research. Our Student Recreational Center offers a variety of classes to help students get into shape and learn new fitness skills. My biggest things in my research was to find a class that worked with my class, work and meeting schedule AND a class that I had to pay for. I wanted there to be a monetary commitment to the class so I would be more compelled to attend. It also came to mind that I shouldn’t do a class on the days I swim, so my options were limited. I was originally going to take a Spin class, but it filled up and I was left with one option. One crazy option and an option I decided to take. I am officially a member of an Intro to Triathlon class. YES… Running (gross), biking (not so bad) and swimming (amazing). More importantly… I have to roll out of bed at 5:30 in the morning to make it to my 6:15 am class for an hour and fifteen minutes of torture.

But, GOOD NEWS! I’ve been to this class… TWICE. And I love it! Yes, I am extremely daunted by the whole thing; but our instructor is amazing. Here is an excerpt from an e-mail I sent my brother after my first day:

"So, our instructor started talking about all we will expect to do. Each class we will do 2 legs of practice. So, it will be a run/swim, swim/bike, bike/run, etc. The swim and spin will be done indoors or in the pool. But evidently the running will be more... entertaining? Blaine (instructor) likes to run around campus. He likes running in our parking garage so we have to go up and downhill. He also likes using our arena steps. I may be making my very own Rocky movie with this class!"

On day two we swam and biked. I did well swimming (even though I was having suit issues… dang wardrobe malfunctions!) and not so swell at biking. But I’m in love with this class. Up before the sun and smiling by the time I get out… what more can I ask for?

I’ve been bit by the proverbial exercise bug and my exercise paradigm has shifted—and it feels amazing!

Pictures!

I take a lot of pictures on my iPhone and I usually don't upload them, but now I will! Enjoy!

This is me in my truck. It really has nothing to do with this post, but I love the sun!

This is part of my daily walk! I decided last semester that I would seriously cut down on my bus usage. So, now I walk everyday... Adds 20-30 minutes to my phyiscal work everyday! Even better- the walk gets shorter and shorter everyday!

This is me on my way to my second day of class! I have a picture of my first day that I will add later. But here I am wearing Old Navy! And I wore GAP on my first day! Holy cow! I can fit into these clothes- go me!

OK! AMAZING NEWS- I finally made it over my 40-pound plateau this past week! I have been working hard to finally hit this milestone and I made it! I am definitely on cloud nine now! I have lost 12.89% of the weight I started this journey with- WOW!

I have decided that once I hit my "big goal" I will get one of these pairs of boots. They are made by Old Gringo and I am in LOVE! They are beautiful and a constant reminder of what I want to have! I'm not sure which pair, but there is a preview!

Speaking of Goals... My mom and I picked up these cute tanks at Old Navy. One is an XL and the other is a Large. I am currently in an Old Navy XXL... I want to look good in these by summer! This is on my wall as a constant reminder of what I have pledged to do.

Here I am rocking my 80s sunglasses after New Years! No real purpose for this picture... I just like it!

And this conclude my first picture blog! This are some of the industrial windmills of West Texas. Taken at sunset on my way back to college! Good night all!