On a breezy Tuesday evening in Washington, DC, I was in the basement of St. Peter’s Catholic Church. In the few minutes before class started, the few of us at our table sat and exchanged pleasantries. With the revelation that I was a Texan spending the semester in DC, one of the ladies across from my starting asking about what my plans were. I delved in further and explain that I was a senior education major at Texas Tech University. The norm in this town was for people to assume I was going into government or history teaching, but I politely corrected her to say I was going to teach agriculture.
The confusion I saw on her face was similar to what I had begun to regularly see, but she asked more questions—what level I would teach and what I would teach.
For students pursuing a career in agricultural education across the nation, there is a stock answer. We always answer it plainly and simply, but that night was different. The passion I held so close to my heart decided it needed to shine. So I spoke truly, honestly and most likely fervently about the career I was choosing. I explained the widened scope of agriculture and the infinitely possibilities of what I would teach my students. I recognized a light in my voice, an excitement that I was afraid I had lost. The conversation wasn’t long, but it opened my eyes.
On the night of October 5, 2010, I was reminded of who I really am—in regards to the major I am pursing in college. I was blessed to be reunited with a passion that has been huddled away inside. I was shown that no matter how far I am away from my home or my chosen profession, I will always have a true and deep passion for agricultural education and the National FFA Organization.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The comfort of bad decisions.
I don’t have a clue how much I weigh right now. I have a feeling that I should be grateful for this fact because its feels obvious that the number will break me right now. Since I’ve been in DC, slightly over a month, I have made very few good food choices. I haven’t exercised like I promised myself I would and I’ve allowed myself to get distracted.
As I was eating lunch today, I looked at my tray and thought to myself, “Basically none of this is good for me. Well, except for the orange juice. In fact, none of the food choices I’ve made today have been good, except for maybe the mini whole grain bagel this morning. Which was countered by numerable other bad choices.”
So, if I know the things I’m eating are terrible for me, why the heck am I eating them? As par to my usual self-questioning, I had yet another revelation. I take comfort in making bad decisions. Decisions that I know the primary, secondary and tertiary consequences of.
I understand that by eating bad I gain weight. I understand that fat/overweight/obese people have a plethora of diastases, health problems, and lower life quality. I understand that I am harming myself physically and emotionally, along with those who ardently support me. Yes, I know this. I understand this.
Evidently, I’m not applying this. So, why? Why the heck do I make these decisions? There is only one reason that comes to mind.
Simply, because I can. Because I know the risks and I’m taking them anyways. I’ve found myself at a point in my life where I am not certain of much. I’m not sure where most of my decisions will lead me. I graduate college in 236 days and yet I don’t have a clue. Truthfully, I’m worried. I crave some sort of stability. Sadly, this stability is only coming around in the form of pounds.
I know I have a stable group of family and friends. I have an amazing support group... I have the best parents who love my unconditionally. I have great friends across the country (okay, maybe just Texas and DC) who stand by me. I even have a truly wonderful boyfriend who compliments me often. Sadly, I feel like I left my confidence in Texas. I need to find my new confidence and build it in this new place.
So, in true style to myself, I have a “To-Do” List
1. Empty my cabinet of all unhealthy foods.
2. Go shopping to restock healthy foods.
3. Go RUNNING tonight. No matter what.
4. Remind myself that I am worth the effort. ***
As I was eating lunch today, I looked at my tray and thought to myself, “Basically none of this is good for me. Well, except for the orange juice. In fact, none of the food choices I’ve made today have been good, except for maybe the mini whole grain bagel this morning. Which was countered by numerable other bad choices.”
So, if I know the things I’m eating are terrible for me, why the heck am I eating them? As par to my usual self-questioning, I had yet another revelation. I take comfort in making bad decisions. Decisions that I know the primary, secondary and tertiary consequences of.
I understand that by eating bad I gain weight. I understand that fat/overweight/obese people have a plethora of diastases, health problems, and lower life quality. I understand that I am harming myself physically and emotionally, along with those who ardently support me. Yes, I know this. I understand this.
Evidently, I’m not applying this. So, why? Why the heck do I make these decisions? There is only one reason that comes to mind.
Simply, because I can. Because I know the risks and I’m taking them anyways. I’ve found myself at a point in my life where I am not certain of much. I’m not sure where most of my decisions will lead me. I graduate college in 236 days and yet I don’t have a clue. Truthfully, I’m worried. I crave some sort of stability. Sadly, this stability is only coming around in the form of pounds.
I know I have a stable group of family and friends. I have an amazing support group... I have the best parents who love my unconditionally. I have great friends across the country (okay, maybe just Texas and DC) who stand by me. I even have a truly wonderful boyfriend who compliments me often. Sadly, I feel like I left my confidence in Texas. I need to find my new confidence and build it in this new place.
So, in true style to myself, I have a “To-Do” List
1. Empty my cabinet of all unhealthy foods.
2. Go shopping to restock healthy foods.
3. Go RUNNING tonight. No matter what.
4. Remind myself that I am worth the effort. ***
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The Hill.
When “outsiders” (I say outsider as if I’m an insider, when we all know I’m actually just a visitor) think of Capitol Hill, they only see one thing. They see the peaceful, serene white dome that depicts the freedom and government that represent our country. If you’ve ventured inside the capitol, you also see the historic rooms that hold the history of our great national and if you watch C-SPAN, you see the new House and Senate chambers where new history (oxymoron) is being made.
Regardless of The Hill you see, I’ve got an inside scoop for you. There are approximately three different Capitols. No, this is not a conspiracy theory. I am not in any way trying to tell you that there are three separate locations; I’m just informing you that Capitol Hill is not the same for everyone at all times.
The main Capitol that people see is the outsider’s view, which I’ve already explain. On the other end of the spectrum, there is the insider’s view—which actually accounts for two versions of the Capitol.
First, we have the Hill when congress is not in session. This version is a little buzz of work, with people being far less stressed. Work gets done, but things are quiet.
But as I learned today, things are completely different when congress is back in session. It’s like a full 180 in almost every right. As I walked out of my building I was greeted with a big red bus that touted a popular Republican statement (pictured) and as I walked the short distance to my office, I noticed a change in the atmosphere. People were striding confidently (real or fake, I’m not sure) towards the capitol in their suits with the appropriate “I’m here to do work” face on. I passed a podium set up on the sidewalk with an intern helping to set a camera’s white balance. Behind him I saw a man feigning confidence as he prepared to go on camera. As I passed the construction that has miraculously gotten near completion over the past few days, I saw two construction workers. One who looked like he has cleaned his hardhat and was ready for an impromptu interview in the need called for it.
Needless to say, the extremely short walk from my house to work was entertaining, and a turning point. It showcased a new Capitol to me. It was the beginning of Session and now I know that I get to acclimate myself to a whole new atmosphere.
To that I say, bring it on. Let’s make these next few weeks entertaining!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
What movie is this?
Just an FYI, I’m in Washington, DC, until December. Memory fails me in remembering if I’ve discussed this or even mentioned it recently, and if not—there’s your update.
I got here last Friday and the intervening (almost) week has been an honest whirlwind. We’ve been through a blur of new people, historic places, restaurants and out-of-body experiences. Most of us started our internships and we’ve all survived the first few times on the Metro. We’ve collectively changed water bottles, answered phones, steamed clothes and gotten blisters on our feet. We survived a three hour jaunt to Target with 9 people in tow across the city and half of us have acclimated to walking up to the third floor to get home. I’ve learned that it only takes an 8 minute walk to get from my third floor door to the fifth floor door of my office. I also pass the youngest congressman’s office when I go to work every day. Yes… I believe whirlwind is the best way to describe our experiences thus far, but my experience has a little extra attached to it.
I’ll be the first to admit that it’s all been a little weird. I would say it’s been surreal, but that word doesn’t truly describe what my experience has been. The easiest way to explain it is to say that I feel like I’m in a movie. I see things, but it doesn’t faze me. I experience things and I almost hear the movie soundtrack in the background. This movie is especially one of those where you feel for the characters… you cry, you laugh (a lot) and you get excited when all the characters achieve something momentous. And then you realize this IS NOT a movie, especially when the main character (me) twists her ankle and hits the ground—the usually edit that stuff in the real movies.
Regardless, this experience has been crazy. Don’t get me wrong—it’s been amazing, just slightly crazy. I will try to be better at updating this blog. I’ll also get back to addressing my weight loss and how I’m adjusting here. Before I go, here’s a thank you… All those who are so honestly and adamantly supporting me in my weight loss and in my journey in DC—y’all are amazing. You give my strength to keep going, and for that I am forever grateful.
I got here last Friday and the intervening (almost) week has been an honest whirlwind. We’ve been through a blur of new people, historic places, restaurants and out-of-body experiences. Most of us started our internships and we’ve all survived the first few times on the Metro. We’ve collectively changed water bottles, answered phones, steamed clothes and gotten blisters on our feet. We survived a three hour jaunt to Target with 9 people in tow across the city and half of us have acclimated to walking up to the third floor to get home. I’ve learned that it only takes an 8 minute walk to get from my third floor door to the fifth floor door of my office. I also pass the youngest congressman’s office when I go to work every day. Yes… I believe whirlwind is the best way to describe our experiences thus far, but my experience has a little extra attached to it.
I’ll be the first to admit that it’s all been a little weird. I would say it’s been surreal, but that word doesn’t truly describe what my experience has been. The easiest way to explain it is to say that I feel like I’m in a movie. I see things, but it doesn’t faze me. I experience things and I almost hear the movie soundtrack in the background. This movie is especially one of those where you feel for the characters… you cry, you laugh (a lot) and you get excited when all the characters achieve something momentous. And then you realize this IS NOT a movie, especially when the main character (me) twists her ankle and hits the ground—the usually edit that stuff in the real movies.
Regardless, this experience has been crazy. Don’t get me wrong—it’s been amazing, just slightly crazy. I will try to be better at updating this blog. I’ll also get back to addressing my weight loss and how I’m adjusting here. Before I go, here’s a thank you… All those who are so honestly and adamantly supporting me in my weight loss and in my journey in DC—y’all are amazing. You give my strength to keep going, and for that I am forever grateful.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
More to life.
I’m not an athlete, but I’m one of the best runners I know. I break sound barriers and break records unknown to those around me. I’m good at putting one foot in front of the other, over and over again. I can look far ahead; decide where to run to next. I can look over my shoulder to check where I’ve been. I fall and I bounce back up. I get hurt and deal with the pain. I run, unafraid of what I am running to or away from. Truthfully though, I do not like running.
Figuratively or literally. I am best at figuratively running—it’s an art I’ve honed to a tee. My life has been in fast forward for a long time, but more so in the past three years. Always out to prove myself and show that I am worth something beyond my layers of fat. Almost as if every extra pound meant I needed to prove myself in another way, it’s gotten old.
What is there to prove? And moreover, why am I still trying so dang hard? Some people are born to overachieve, but not me. I designed myself that way to compensate for not physically being good enough. I didn’t do it on purpose, but that’s how I feel now. I do not want to be perfect and I certainly don’t want to be in constant search of someone else’s approval.
This is my life and it’s time to do what I want. Finally.
Figuratively or literally. I am best at figuratively running—it’s an art I’ve honed to a tee. My life has been in fast forward for a long time, but more so in the past three years. Always out to prove myself and show that I am worth something beyond my layers of fat. Almost as if every extra pound meant I needed to prove myself in another way, it’s gotten old.
What is there to prove? And moreover, why am I still trying so dang hard? Some people are born to overachieve, but not me. I designed myself that way to compensate for not physically being good enough. I didn’t do it on purpose, but that’s how I feel now. I do not want to be perfect and I certainly don’t want to be in constant search of someone else’s approval.
This is my life and it’s time to do what I want. Finally.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Photo update!
Jett, me and Dan - These are two of my older friends :) They are in a band and this was between one of their sets! 
Jade and I at the Ag Education & Communication Banquet. 
Okay... No matter what, I will ALWAYS love to bake. And I will always look goofy doing it!
Well, guess I can share what the guy looks like... This is Luke :)
Oh yeah.... That motorcycle? One of TWO that my parents rode up to campus on...
... IN ALL LEATHER. Welcome to my life. Yes, my parents are cooler than me.
My parents and cousin joined me at CASNR Honors Banquet. One of my last duties as an overacheiver :) This was the day I went blonde for the summer!
Tandi (roomie) and I before going out! My shirt is actually a dress, but I think it's cuter as a shirt! I am kinda in love with clothes... Oh yes, that is Ace in the corner- Ruler of our House
Tandi and I this week relaxing! Starting off summer in a nice way :)
Okay, usually I'm very cautious about "alcohol" pictures, but this is just too fun to pass up. For the record, I am 21 and no I didn't drive. I've known these three since Summer 2006... Four years later and we are still as goofy as ever!
These were my favorite khakis. I tried to wear them the other day and it didn't work out very well. Sad... NOT!
My newest shorts (yes, they are short!) over my old pants... Progress?
I really love this picture for unknown reasons. Oh well, I think it's cute!Hope you've enjoyed my pictures! Thanks for keeping up with me!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Planner.
I am a planner. Or I was a planner. Maybe I’m a mix between a planner and a go-with-the-flow girl. Probably not. I guess as of recently, I’ve been relaxed… or, shall I hazard to say—normal?
Yesterday I was bebopping down to street doing errands for work and reveling in the fact that for once I felt relaxed. My mind was meandering through different topics, but one thought literally stopped me in my tracks (literally).
There is more to life than planning and worrying about tomorrow.
WHAT? Hello, Ashley from even a month ago—LISTEN TO THIS! This thought was such a refreshing change of pace from what usually happens in my head.
Here’s what usually goes on in my brain: "Ugh, I need to send that email. Crud, I forgot to call so and so. I really need to make that reservation. I need to decide on a grad school. Wait, I need to take my GRE. Do I still want a doctorate? Will I have time to cook dinner tonight? Should I run when I get home? Am I getting paler? What time is it? Oh no, I’m running late again. I need to fill up my gas tank. I wonder if I can go see Paige this weekend. I need to CALL Paige. How many kids do I want? I really need to schedule a doctor’s appointment. I wish I had time for a nap. I wonder what kind of house I want to live in. I need to choose what breed of dog I’m getting in a year. When am I going to do my senior portraits? Oh look… a butterfly."
Ok, this may be an exaggeration, but you can imagine how much I worry and plan in my head on a daily basis. It’s a lot. No joke. So, what has changed? What has helped me to shift ever so slightly? I can’t specify one perspective-altering moment, so I will hit all the major points.
• I’ve been given FREEDOM. That’s right… I’m retired from all but one of my office positions and I am free. Don’t get me wrong, I feel very blessed to have served and given back, but I’ve changed. I’ve never been a Resume Renegade, but I feel like that’s what has happened. I may have a nice resume, but that doesn’t mean anything. Yes, I’ll get a job. Yes, I LOVE what I’ve done. But, how does that get me what I truly want? Yeah… it really doesn’t.
• Summertime—I am happier during the summer, therefore I think better and freer.
• The man. Or my man. Or the boyfriend. Wait, did I just say boyfriend? You bet I just did! That’s right… it’s official, and that is still mind boggling to say. In a good way of course : ) Regardless, this whole thing has taught me something amazing. Well, I guess it reaffirmed something. I’ve always known what I wanted in a guy. But it’s taken this whole thing for me to see what God has always known I needed in a guy. I’ve needed someone to balance me and make me see that planning isn’t everything. That thought alone makes me smile… I like being at peace with where I am. I like the peace of knowing that God knows what best for me and my tomorrow is in His hands.
I am still planning, but I don’t feel like I need something concrete. I will decide on grad school when the time comes. I’ll pick a dog later. I’ll worry about marriage and kids and all that when the time is right. These things don’t matter today. What matters is that I am happy. I am content. My heart isn’t frozen in fear and my smile is genuine.
This is the life, and I am loving every moment of it.
Yesterday I was bebopping down to street doing errands for work and reveling in the fact that for once I felt relaxed. My mind was meandering through different topics, but one thought literally stopped me in my tracks (literally).
There is more to life than planning and worrying about tomorrow.
WHAT? Hello, Ashley from even a month ago—LISTEN TO THIS! This thought was such a refreshing change of pace from what usually happens in my head.
Here’s what usually goes on in my brain: "Ugh, I need to send that email. Crud, I forgot to call so and so. I really need to make that reservation. I need to decide on a grad school. Wait, I need to take my GRE. Do I still want a doctorate? Will I have time to cook dinner tonight? Should I run when I get home? Am I getting paler? What time is it? Oh no, I’m running late again. I need to fill up my gas tank. I wonder if I can go see Paige this weekend. I need to CALL Paige. How many kids do I want? I really need to schedule a doctor’s appointment. I wish I had time for a nap. I wonder what kind of house I want to live in. I need to choose what breed of dog I’m getting in a year. When am I going to do my senior portraits? Oh look… a butterfly."
Ok, this may be an exaggeration, but you can imagine how much I worry and plan in my head on a daily basis. It’s a lot. No joke. So, what has changed? What has helped me to shift ever so slightly? I can’t specify one perspective-altering moment, so I will hit all the major points.
• I’ve been given FREEDOM. That’s right… I’m retired from all but one of my office positions and I am free. Don’t get me wrong, I feel very blessed to have served and given back, but I’ve changed. I’ve never been a Resume Renegade, but I feel like that’s what has happened. I may have a nice resume, but that doesn’t mean anything. Yes, I’ll get a job. Yes, I LOVE what I’ve done. But, how does that get me what I truly want? Yeah… it really doesn’t.
• Summertime—I am happier during the summer, therefore I think better and freer.
• The man. Or my man. Or the boyfriend. Wait, did I just say boyfriend? You bet I just did! That’s right… it’s official, and that is still mind boggling to say. In a good way of course : ) Regardless, this whole thing has taught me something amazing. Well, I guess it reaffirmed something. I’ve always known what I wanted in a guy. But it’s taken this whole thing for me to see what God has always known I needed in a guy. I’ve needed someone to balance me and make me see that planning isn’t everything. That thought alone makes me smile… I like being at peace with where I am. I like the peace of knowing that God knows what best for me and my tomorrow is in His hands.
I am still planning, but I don’t feel like I need something concrete. I will decide on grad school when the time comes. I’ll pick a dog later. I’ll worry about marriage and kids and all that when the time is right. These things don’t matter today. What matters is that I am happy. I am content. My heart isn’t frozen in fear and my smile is genuine.
This is the life, and I am loving every moment of it.
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