Post surgery.

It’s taken me awhile to get my brain back into blogging mode because I’ve been up and down since my surgery. This entry will be relatively long, so we will start a few days ago.

So, I didn’t get my official surgery time till last Tuesday. I was a little freaked because my surgery was to be on Friday and I was just convinced that everything would fall apart. When I got the call I was just in shock… I was relieved, excited, but incredibly nervous. I was still worried about the fact that things wouldn’t go right. I had all the scenarios that led to me not getting the band and always being my overweight self. I am a big time worrier, so this was not much of a surprise to me.

Fast forward to Friday, also known as surgery day. My mom took me to the surgery center and I went in for all my pre-op preparations. All the glory of getting into a stylish gown, peeing in a cup, starting my IV and getting situated in my bed. It wasn’t until I was on the bed that I truly got sad. As they took me into the operating room and moved me to the operating table, it hit me… this is conceding defeat. No matter how strong I am or how much good I have done, this is failure. I started crying as they put me under and I went into surgery.
The second I woke up from surgery, my first question was: Do I have it? And viola, I was a newly banded 20 year old. The nurses got me up slowly and I had to drink a small amount of water. Then after a bit I was moved to a different chair and then taken to do a swallow test. Evidently my band was perfect, or that’s what they said. After a simultaneously long and short time in post-op I was allowed to go home. The entire ride home I was in pain and remained that way until my dad got home with some amazing pain meds. My first day was a slight blur of sleep, well wishes and a lot of support.

The weekend went by with minimal excitement, but Sunday night was a bad one. I’m not sure what brought it on, but I just started bawling. Literally. My pre-op insecurities came flooding back to me and I couldn’t stop it. I knew I needed this surgery and that it was a blessing from God, but I still felt overwhelmingly like a failure. I know most people say that crying does not help anything, but it did for me. I acknowledged how I felt and then God showed me some very important things. It became evident that this surgery was not just for me. Yes I need to be healthy and more confident, but there are people around me that can benefit from this surgery. There are people out there that I can help by helping myself. This revelation changed everything for me and I am incredibly blessed.

So here I am, on day 4 and I am doing good. I am hungry, but I am keeping food down. I have only thrown up once and that was one day one after moving too much. I feel like this is the best thing I could have done and I’m extremely happy.