Food as an Addiction

I know I have been a terrible updater, but on my way home today I knew I needed to confront this obstacle. Before you read further you need to know that this entry will not be as “happy” as the other ones and may be a little much, but everyone has their own problems—this is mine.
I am addicted to food. There is no if, ands, or buts about it. I love food and it does something that is not pretty to me. I can go awhile without having a need to eat anything and everything, but when it hits, it scares me. I guess this has been a part of my life since I could remember… I have childhood memories of sneaking food and always having food on mind. I’m sure there are psychological reasons for why I depend on food so much, but that isn’t important. What is important is understanding I have a problem and taking progressive steps to change or modify it.
Something I’ve been doing is consciously understanding that when I eat “bad,” it’s not the end of the world. I just need to balance what I am doing. I need to run more, run harder, swim longer or swim harder. Basically I need to put the extra calories to work instead of feeling guilty. Guilt does not burn calories, sadly enough. One may think that eating less at other times could work, but that hasn’t been working for me. When I have less calories during the day, I feel like I can binge when I get home. A habit that led me to gain 1.6 pounds last week. A habit I refuse to keep. A habit I will break because I want to, not just because I have to.
This addiction is a scary one… the amount of food I can consume, and have consumed, in short amounts of time when no one is looking is terrifying. My ability to do this is a carefully honed craft, but addictions are never safe. You will probably hear about this multiple times, but at least I am admitting it and sharing. This is my step one….

(And my second step is running tonight to counteract how bad I ate tonight.)