The comfort of bad decisions.

I don’t have a clue how much I weigh right now. I have a feeling that I should be grateful for this fact because its feels obvious that the number will break me right now. Since I’ve been in DC, slightly over a month, I have made very few good food choices. I haven’t exercised like I promised myself I would and I’ve allowed myself to get distracted.

As I was eating lunch today, I looked at my tray and thought to myself, “Basically none of this is good for me. Well, except for the orange juice. In fact, none of the food choices I’ve made today have been good, except for maybe the mini whole grain bagel this morning. Which was countered by numerable other bad choices.”

So, if I know the things I’m eating are terrible for me, why the heck am I eating them? As par to my usual self-questioning, I had yet another revelation. I take comfort in making bad decisions. Decisions that I know the primary, secondary and tertiary consequences of.

I understand that by eating bad I gain weight. I understand that fat/overweight/obese people have a plethora of diastases, health problems, and lower life quality. I understand that I am harming myself physically and emotionally, along with those who ardently support me. Yes, I know this. I understand this.

Evidently, I’m not applying this. So, why? Why the heck do I make these decisions? There is only one reason that comes to mind.

Simply, because I can. Because I know the risks and I’m taking them anyways. I’ve found myself at a point in my life where I am not certain of much. I’m not sure where most of my decisions will lead me. I graduate college in 236 days and yet I don’t have a clue. Truthfully, I’m worried. I crave some sort of stability. Sadly, this stability is only coming around in the form of pounds.

I know I have a stable group of family and friends. I have an amazing support group... I have the best parents who love my unconditionally. I have great friends across the country (okay, maybe just Texas and DC) who stand by me. I even have a truly wonderful boyfriend who compliments me often. Sadly, I feel like I left my confidence in Texas. I need to find my new confidence and build it in this new place.

So, in true style to myself, I have a “To-Do” List

1. Empty my cabinet of all unhealthy foods.
2. Go shopping to restock healthy foods.
3. Go RUNNING tonight. No matter what.
4. Remind myself that I am worth the effort. ***

The Hill.

When “outsiders” (I say outsider as if I’m an insider, when we all know I’m actually just a visitor) think of Capitol Hill, they only see one thing. They see the peaceful, serene white dome that depicts the freedom and government that represent our country. If you’ve ventured inside the capitol, you also see the historic rooms that hold the history of our great national and if you watch C-SPAN, you see the new House and Senate chambers where new history (oxymoron) is being made.

Regardless of The Hill you see, I’ve got an inside scoop for you. There are approximately three different Capitols. No, this is not a conspiracy theory. I am not in any way trying to tell you that there are three separate locations; I’m just informing you that Capitol Hill is not the same for everyone at all times.

The main Capitol that people see is the outsider’s view, which I’ve already explain. On the other end of the spectrum, there is the insider’s view—which actually accounts for two versions of the Capitol.

First, we have the Hill when congress is not in session. This version is a little buzz of work, with people being far less stressed. Work gets done, but things are quiet.

But as I learned today, things are completely different when congress is back in session. It’s like a full 180 in almost every right. As I walked out of my building I was greeted with a big red bus that touted a popular Republican statement (pictured) and as I walked the short distance to my office, I noticed a change in the atmosphere. People were striding confidently (real or fake, I’m not sure) towards the capitol in their suits with the appropriate “I’m here to do work” face on. I passed a podium set up on the sidewalk with an intern helping to set a camera’s white balance. Behind him I saw a man feigning confidence as he prepared to go on camera. As I passed the construction that has miraculously gotten near completion over the past few days, I saw two construction workers. One who looked like he has cleaned his hardhat and was ready for an impromptu interview in the need called for it.

Needless to say, the extremely short walk from my house to work was entertaining, and a turning point. It showcased a new Capitol to me. It was the beginning of Session and now I know that I get to acclimate myself to a whole new atmosphere.

To that I say, bring it on. Let’s make these next few weeks entertaining!