Deserving.

So, if you’ve been keeping track of my subtle (okay, not quite subtle) drama, you know that I hit a good point within my relationship arena awhile back. I was finally okay with the whole “being single” part of my life. I am still okay with the whole debacle, but I guess im ready for something more. Actually, I don’t guess. I know I am. I am getting to the point where I am happy with myself and I'm ready to share the quirkiness that is me with someone else.


After talking A LONG time with a close friend, a few things dawned on me. First off, most guys I’m attracted to don’t fit into my mold. This isn’t really a surprise, but liking a guy who is sixteen types of different from me is a little bit strange—and scary as all get out. Secondly, I am way too much of a planner. This isn’t a new revelation, but thought I would reiterate that. And thirdly, I deserve everything that I want.

This is the bulk of what’s been on my mind today… what exactly do I want? I deserve everything my little heart desires (within reason), but WHAT IS THAT?

So, I guess I will list the various thoughts that have floated in and out of my cerebral matter today…

Things Ashley Wants & Deserves:

- A man who wants me for me (number one, this is non-negotiable)
- A man who believes in God. Faith can be strengthened, but a faithless man is not someone I need to be with at this point in my life

- A man who is easy to smile, especially when I am goofy… which is often
- A man who is productive (I run at the speed of light, he needs to be able to keep up)

- Ambition… Can you imagine me with a man with no ambition? Hahahaha… no really—can you?

- This is really shallow… but any man who is willing to buy me James Avery ranks fairly high on the list (this is more common than you’d expect… James Avery is evidently the key to a lot of girls’ hearts)

- I really, really want a guy who can dance. This would actually make the guy’s life easier because I can hardly be in a bad mood after I’ve been dancing. Talk about easy to please…

In all honesty, besides the top three, all these are flexible. I know this guy is out there, and I know without a doubt that I deserve him. I just need to figure out who he is. I don’t want to seek him out; I just want to recognize him when I see him.

Exercise paradigm.

There has been a deep and profound shift in me. I’ve alluded to this change, but I’d like to explain it a little bit more.


In the past I have never wanted to exercise. I would exercise, but the desire to do so just wasn’t there. There were phases of random exuberance for running and swimming, but nothing that truly made me connect to the act of working out.

I cannot explain what has happened, but I have changed. The “hot word” on my campus these days is paradigm. This word is defined as a pattern in its simplest terms, so I guess you can say I have a new exercise paradigm. The phrase that keeps floating around my head is that, “there has been a shift in my exercise paradigm.”

Let me illustrate what has changed and what’s new in Ashley’s Exercise Paradigm. First off, when I was signing up for classes for this semester I needed a one hour course. On a whim I decided to sign up for a swimming class, but when looking at the various courses; I took a chance. I bypassed the basic swim class, the swim conditioning class and lifeguard training class. I signed up for ADVANCED swimming. Ridiculous? Probably. Good idea? Hopefully!

I decided to challenge myself with a more difficult class because I know all the swim strokes and I did not want an excuse to slack off. So, here I am—in an advanced swim class surrounded by hardcore swimmers. But I’m excited nonetheless. My first class could have been described as a disaster… by anyone else. I was by far the slowest swimmer there, but you know what? Every time I had my head out of the water I was smiling. I felt blessed to be there and I was ready for the challenge. I know I might hate myself some days for the pain this class will cause, but I will kick some butt. I will get faster and I will hold my own. It’s not about winning or being the fastest, it’s about getting healthy and doing things that I used to not believe were possible.

It would be silly for me to say there has been this huge change if I was only exercising twice a week in class; so I took advantage of my newfound desire to work out and set off to do some research. Our Student Recreational Center offers a variety of classes to help students get into shape and learn new fitness skills. My biggest things in my research was to find a class that worked with my class, work and meeting schedule AND a class that I had to pay for. I wanted there to be a monetary commitment to the class so I would be more compelled to attend. It also came to mind that I shouldn’t do a class on the days I swim, so my options were limited. I was originally going to take a Spin class, but it filled up and I was left with one option. One crazy option and an option I decided to take. I am officially a member of an Intro to Triathlon class. YES… Running (gross), biking (not so bad) and swimming (amazing). More importantly… I have to roll out of bed at 5:30 in the morning to make it to my 6:15 am class for an hour and fifteen minutes of torture.

But, GOOD NEWS! I’ve been to this class… TWICE. And I love it! Yes, I am extremely daunted by the whole thing; but our instructor is amazing. Here is an excerpt from an e-mail I sent my brother after my first day:

"So, our instructor started talking about all we will expect to do. Each class we will do 2 legs of practice. So, it will be a run/swim, swim/bike, bike/run, etc. The swim and spin will be done indoors or in the pool. But evidently the running will be more... entertaining? Blaine (instructor) likes to run around campus. He likes running in our parking garage so we have to go up and downhill. He also likes using our arena steps. I may be making my very own Rocky movie with this class!"

On day two we swam and biked. I did well swimming (even though I was having suit issues… dang wardrobe malfunctions!) and not so swell at biking. But I’m in love with this class. Up before the sun and smiling by the time I get out… what more can I ask for?

I’ve been bit by the proverbial exercise bug and my exercise paradigm has shifted—and it feels amazing!

Pictures!

I take a lot of pictures on my iPhone and I usually don't upload them, but now I will! Enjoy!

This is me in my truck. It really has nothing to do with this post, but I love the sun!

This is part of my daily walk! I decided last semester that I would seriously cut down on my bus usage. So, now I walk everyday... Adds 20-30 minutes to my phyiscal work everyday! Even better- the walk gets shorter and shorter everyday!

This is me on my way to my second day of class! I have a picture of my first day that I will add later. But here I am wearing Old Navy! And I wore GAP on my first day! Holy cow! I can fit into these clothes- go me!

OK! AMAZING NEWS- I finally made it over my 40-pound plateau this past week! I have been working hard to finally hit this milestone and I made it! I am definitely on cloud nine now! I have lost 12.89% of the weight I started this journey with- WOW!

I have decided that once I hit my "big goal" I will get one of these pairs of boots. They are made by Old Gringo and I am in LOVE! They are beautiful and a constant reminder of what I want to have! I'm not sure which pair, but there is a preview!

Speaking of Goals... My mom and I picked up these cute tanks at Old Navy. One is an XL and the other is a Large. I am currently in an Old Navy XXL... I want to look good in these by summer! This is on my wall as a constant reminder of what I have pledged to do.

Here I am rocking my 80s sunglasses after New Years! No real purpose for this picture... I just like it!

And this conclude my first picture blog! This are some of the industrial windmills of West Texas. Taken at sunset on my way back to college! Good night all!

It is not all about weight loss.

Try and try to read your mind

But I forget that patience is a virtue

Your teachin me to hold on tight

And I don’t know how the story ends

But I'll be alright cause you own it

I don’t know where the highway bends

But I’m doing just fine

Cause you’re in control

Even when I don’t know

Where my life’s gonna go

You’re keeping my guessing

- Francesca Battistelli

When I was first banded, I had grand dreams of dropping so much weight in such a short amount of time that people would marvel at me. We’ve all heard the miraculous stories of bandsters who drop 100 pounds in their first 8 months or they go from a size 18 to a size 2 in a year. I will admit, these dreams of grandeur had entered my mind before surgery, but I did not account for the biggest factor in this situation.

God.


He led me to this surgery, but he has had more in mind for me. Instead of repairing me physically with weight loss, he has been strengthening me as a Christian. He has been re-creating my self-concept and self-esteem. All the trials and tribulations I have encountered over the years have built me up, but they have also left pieces if me broken. They have scarred my heart in ways that I could not believe could be healed.

But I was wrong. In the first five months of this crazy weight loss journey, I have found that it is not all about weight loss. It’s about finding the pieces of me that had been lost underneath the pounds and pain I had gained over the years. It would be so easy to be disappointed in myself for not have lost more weight in the past few months, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. I can feel that this is the week that I am finally jumping over the 40 pound hump I’ve been stuck at. I can feel that this New Year, this new decade and this new attitude will change everything. My life is at an impasse and I cannot describe how blessed I feel. This is the time when things change and I can’t thank God enough. He has led me here and guided my way. He deserves the glory.

So, as I begin my first senior semester at college, I reflect. I’ve had a scarred heart, but now I don’t. I have four scars on my stomach that no one sees, but me. And I have a completely healed heart that God has tended to, and for that I am good as new.


God bless.

New hair.

I feel the need to share my new hairstyle with my faithful followers (and I wanted to see if I could really blog from my phone!)



Brunette!




Looking smart... Kind of?

Good night all!

• This entry was blogged without border's from my iPhone!

1mt1mt.

I’d like to share with y’all a guilty pleasure I have, and no, it has nothing to do with food! I absolutely love following motivational speakers. Something about these dynamic personalities intrigues me and speaks to me in a way I can not describe. I have one motivational speaker that I’ve been following for over five years and another that I just discovered. The new one has a motto that I feel can be extremely helpful to everyone, no matter what their walk in life includes.

Before I jump into the meat of this blog, let me introduce our new friend. I say “our” because I am sure that his inspritational words will give you something to relate to! So, meet Josh Sundquist.

This photo was taken by Raylee Honeycutt at the National FFA Convention in Indianapolis, Indiana.

Josh is a dynamic motivational speaker who has an amazing story. I do not feel like I can’t truly do his story justice, so visit his website here. Even better, buy his new book! It comes out later this month and I am certain we can all use an extra dose of motivation. Furthermore, visit his blog. During the short time I have been following Josh's work, I have learned a lot. I've expereinced a good bit of self-discovery and I almost always get a good dose of humor-something we could all use. Now, I will end my "commercial mode," and we are onto "1mt1mt."

Before you ready the rest of this entry, check out this video. This concept came from Josh and he does an excellent job of explaining it.

Click to watch YouTube video!!

I will admit that the first time I heard this concept; I did not directly relate it to my own life and struggles. I am not the exact definition of athletic and my goals are hard to compare to any type of Olympian. But as I work to change my frame of mind, this simple idea keeps sneaking into my brain. What are those small things that I can do to help me? What’s that one thing I can do one more time, then another time and then make it a habit?

Was it deciding that I did not need to “settle” again? Was it closing the refrigerator without getting something out? Is it getting another glass of water? Is it buying another pair of shoes because I feel like I’m worth it? Essentially, it is all of the above. All these little things add up in the long run and I need to keep the little accomplishments in mind.

And so do you. I don’t care who you are, how we know each other or what’s going on in your life… I want to know: what is that THING? What is your 1mt1mt? Leave a comment and share. I want to know your side of this story!

Welcome to 2010.

Before I jump into the “New Year’s Resolution” boat, I would like to reflect… I started 2009 with no hopes, no resolutions and no idea what the year would hold for me. If you would have told me a year ago that I would welcome 2010 as a baptized Christian and a blessed lap band owner, I would not believe you. I would not believe that I would find myself worthy of either of those titles, but here I am. Blessed beyond measure and incredibly happy with both of those decisions.

Since we are almost two full days into 2010, I guess I can now state my resolutions without being “too cliché.” But heck, we know that resolutions will always be cliché… No matter how long we wait to make them. So, I’ve decided to change things up a bit this year. I have the cliché resolutions, but what is a goal if there aren’t steps to achieve it? So, I will make mini resolutions each month. And I give all of you full capacity to bother me if I don’t post them. I do need an accountability system, so welcome to the club!

My overall resolutions are as follows:
1. Lose weight. (Thank you lap band for making this a possibility that I can truly keep this year)
2. Try new things. (One a month, at least)
3. Live life. (Step one- keep breathing because that is the basis of living)
4. Continue to strengthen my relationship with God.

January’s Mini Resolutions
1. No Drive-Thru’s: I refuse to swear off fast food completely… Not because I can’t, but because it is not a truly feasible resolution. I need to set myself up for success, not failure. So, for January (and hopefully longer), I will not use drive-thrus. If I “don’t have enough time to cook” I need to at least take the time to park and walk-in. if I really want something, I need to get off my butt and go get it. At the end of the day, if I can’t spare to the time today… Can I live with the fact that I’m slowly cutting time off of my life?
2. My new thing: Go me; I already did something new this month! I went to the horse races last night… a fun experience, even if I am truly terrible at betting. I like to lose money without thinking about it so much!
3. Bible Study: I’d like to start a bible study for the semester. I am working with a friend to hopefully get this ball rolling!

That’s it for now… hope everyone is ready for an amazing 2010!