It is not all about weight loss.

Try and try to read your mind

But I forget that patience is a virtue

Your teachin me to hold on tight

And I don’t know how the story ends

But I'll be alright cause you own it

I don’t know where the highway bends

But I’m doing just fine

Cause you’re in control

Even when I don’t know

Where my life’s gonna go

You’re keeping my guessing

- Francesca Battistelli

When I was first banded, I had grand dreams of dropping so much weight in such a short amount of time that people would marvel at me. We’ve all heard the miraculous stories of bandsters who drop 100 pounds in their first 8 months or they go from a size 18 to a size 2 in a year. I will admit, these dreams of grandeur had entered my mind before surgery, but I did not account for the biggest factor in this situation.

God.


He led me to this surgery, but he has had more in mind for me. Instead of repairing me physically with weight loss, he has been strengthening me as a Christian. He has been re-creating my self-concept and self-esteem. All the trials and tribulations I have encountered over the years have built me up, but they have also left pieces if me broken. They have scarred my heart in ways that I could not believe could be healed.

But I was wrong. In the first five months of this crazy weight loss journey, I have found that it is not all about weight loss. It’s about finding the pieces of me that had been lost underneath the pounds and pain I had gained over the years. It would be so easy to be disappointed in myself for not have lost more weight in the past few months, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. I can feel that this is the week that I am finally jumping over the 40 pound hump I’ve been stuck at. I can feel that this New Year, this new decade and this new attitude will change everything. My life is at an impasse and I cannot describe how blessed I feel. This is the time when things change and I can’t thank God enough. He has led me here and guided my way. He deserves the glory.

So, as I begin my first senior semester at college, I reflect. I’ve had a scarred heart, but now I don’t. I have four scars on my stomach that no one sees, but me. And I have a completely healed heart that God has tended to, and for that I am good as new.


God bless.