Single life.

As a college student and woman, there is one frequently asked question: “Why are you single?”

In the past there has been a long and short answer. Both true to an extent, but not very deep.

Short Answer: “I’m honestly too busy for a guy, and you know—long distance would be best so it wouldn’t be a time commitment. Also, guys here just suck.” (For the record, the guys don’t suck; it’s just a good short answer.)

Long Answer: “I just haven’t found the right guy. I mean, I like this guy or this guy, but they are taken. And I’m not exactly their type of girl. I’d probably be more their type if I weighed less. Besides that point, I don’t think I would be secure enough to be with him… I don’t know if I’d be able to handle him flirting like he does. Who do I think I’m kidding? I’m just not someone he would go for…” (Basically, my ugly self-esteem rears its head again. And I am very good at picking the wrong guys…. Just ask my roommates, they’ve heard all the names and their problems. And there have been some questionable guys on my “liked” list, but we will not go there.)


Tonight though, something bigger and more profound has hit me. I was blessed with a really nice guy to be attracted to me. He knows who he is and I guess for some reason he had feelings for me. Unfortunately, I could not make myself like him. And then I got to thinking… WHY NOT? I mean, hello… There is nothing more I could ask for in a guy, but something kept nudging me. The idea that I did not need a boyfriend kept tapping into my brain. Then I thought about it… Do I really need a boyfriend RIGHT now? Honestly, with all the things I am going through; would a guy help or hinder?

So, the wheels kept turning (I was driving and thinking- double turning wheels, go figure). I am on a big journey in the ways of building my self-esteem. I am trying to find the woman that God has perfected me to be, and I am committed to that path. My fear is not just rejection and heart break, but it goes a little deeper. If I am to truly build up my self-esteem, I need to do it without a guy. The only men allowed in this process should be my family, close guy friends and most importantly—God. I can’t risk me becoming confident just to have it all to fall down like a house of cards because a guy became a part of the foundation.

It dawned on me that it was ridiculous to bring someone into my life when it isn’t where it needs to be. God finally broke into my conscious to show me that I have not had a serious relationship for a reason. I am not as self destructive as I thought, I just have not been ready. I do not know when I will be ready, but it is not now. I have finally come to a true peace with being single because I know I am meant to be single. I even went as far too actually show my relationship status on Facebook… Something I hadn’t been showing because I was ashamed of it.

I am blessed to have come to this conclusion. Thank you to the guy who brought it on, even though I’m sorry you had to take the fall for it. For everyone else, thank you for giving your time to read. I will be driving back home tomorrow, so please keep me in your prayers.

God bless!