Survival of the fittest.

It’s human nature to want to be the strongest. I guess its natures law—Survival of the Fittest. Not literally (well, sometimes literally), but mostly mentally. We want to have everything together and to be sure of ourselves. Even in the moments when we share our weaknesses, we feel a sense of strength. We tell ourselves that our ability to share the weak is still strength. And when we hide the weak, we feel strong because no one knows better.

Why? Yes, saying we are programmed to be strong and amazing (yes—we are amazing) is an easy way out of explaining things, but it’s not the truth. Why do we care so much about being the strongest, the best and essentially untouchable.

I’m not speaking down on those who do this because I am the epitome of this. I don’t like being viewed as weak and I attempt to be the best. And you may not see this, but I had wished I was untouchable. I hate the pain of being hurt and the vulnerability of putting myself out there.

This is one thing I slowly see changing. I am no longer constantly viewed as happy, bubbly Ashley and more people know about how I feel. I guess this blog has helped me in this. As I get more comfortable in my writing and I get less skittish about talking about things, I can feel I’m growing.

I know I have my own unique strength. I know I’ve built walls around certain parts of my, but as I get stronger those walls are slowing coming down. I imagine those old school cobble stones that have built walls inside of me, and I see each one slowly coming down. Instead of walls, they are forming one heck of a foundation. I’m not sure what the foundation is for, but I’m happy to know it there.

I’m happy to know that the smile that lights up my face is becoming more genuine. I’ve gotten to the point that I will look in the mirror and be caught off guard. I am stunned by the smile that has been gracing my face lately. There is something comforting about seeing a genuine smile, especially when that smile is your own. Instead of seeing tired eyes and a force grin, I see a smile of pure joy. I see happiness and strength—something I wasn’t fully aware that I was missing.

So, I want to know… why are you strong? I know you are strong; we all are, but why? What walls do you have and what part of you do you strive to keep untouchable? And most importantly… what does your smile mean? Are you guarded or happy?