Two months.

Two months. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a full two months, but it was pretty close.

I found a guy that I liked; well I didn’t exactly find him… I just got the nerve to do something about it—two months ago. I stood up for myself, but was asked to wait. I like to view myself as a reasonable person, so I agreed. I agreed to wait. Now, don’t go telling me that that was dumb. Don’t tell me that I shouldn’t have waited because I refuse to believe that. I fully believe that I did what I needed to do, and here is why.

I am impatient. Well, I thought I was impatient. I am the type of woman who wants what she wants—now. But I waited. Now, I’m not a good waiter and these two months of waiting have taught me a few things.

1. I don’t mind the wait, but only texting is what scares me. There is something about phone conversations, or simple face-to-face interactions that calm the nerves. I guess you can say I haven’t had the best luck with only texting, but that is a story for another time and place.
2. I used to believe that I wasn’t a fan of “nicknames.” This is false. When the right guy calls me a name that makes me smile, then it’s okay.
3. I am perfectly able to stand up for myself. A few people have seen my stumble with this concept over the past few months, but I did it. And I feel good about that. This reaffirms that I will never be a woman who loses her power to an undeserving man.
4. I’ve also gained a deeper understanding of what I need from a man. A list of wants and needs in a man is not good to have, but I understand what would fit best with me. I’ll be honest, I will certainly need a strong (mentally, not physically) man to balance with my hard-headedness.
I am a strong believer of having no regrets. Everything happens for a reason, so I’ve just decided to find the silver lining and blessings in disguise now, instead of later. I will admit that part of me is sad for a lot of reasons that I don’t want to share, but what good will that do? Not much. There is no need to wallow what never was.

What I will do is share some song lyrics. (They don’t necessarily reflect how I feel, just some songs that have been rolling around on my head and playing on my iPod)

It's gonna be a hard row, but it'll be worth it
'Cause I know, underneath the surface
What's a-waiting if you dig a little deeper down
Keep doin' what you're doin', patiently
'Cause nothin' worth growin' comes easily
Lovin' me's gonna be like workin' unbroken ground.
- Gary Nichols—Unbroken Ground


Washed away the pain
and made me new
What an unlikely angel
sacrificing all she can
what an unlikely angel
for an undeserving man.
- Jason Jones—Unlikely Angel


Well everything changes baby,
Ain't nothin' in this whole wide world ever stays the same.
Your future plans were nothin' but sunny days,
And now you're standing out in the pouring rain.
Well how could anyone pick up your heart,
Just to watch it fall?
And that lighthouse that stood on the hill for you,
Now don't shine no light at all.
- The Great Divide—Break in the Storm

Well, this has been a long entry for me, so I’m going to get on with it! Thank you for reading and I look forward to hearing from you.